Shoppers Drug Mart commissioned me to make a mix of Christmas music in honour of November 12—the official first day of the Christmas season in Canada. I hope you’re feeling these holiday vibes. I borrowed a bunch of my mom’s records to make this mix so you know I got some serious holiday bangers in there.
So turn the volume up nice and loud, dance around, hang up a wreath and light some motherfucking scented candles because Christmastime is here.
I ran into a friendly old man at the Chipman supermarket.
He said, “Hey young fella. What else am I supposed to be buying? I’ve got the loaf of bread. I just can’t remember what else I’m supposed to be picking up. Help me out here.”
“Um, what about milk? Or orange juice,” I said. “What about breakfast stuff. Have you got food for breakfast? Eggs, bacon…”
“Oh right, eggs,” he said. He lowered his voice. “Except the eggs here are so much more expensive than the other place. Heh. You don’t own this store, do you?”
“No sir I don’t. But if I did, I’d just give you a bunch of eggs for free.”
“For free?” he said. “That’s not very good business.”
“No, but I don’t care about business, I just like making my friends happy.”
He said, “It seems like the way things are is pretty much the way things have to be.”
This statement froze me right in my tracks.
He kept on talking: “You get a ten cent raise, the fella finds out about it and puts all of his prices up ten cents. Every raise is actually a loss.” But I was barely listening at that point. I was trapped thinking thought about how the way things are is the way they have to be.
It was like if a divine voice from above had said “Your life is exactly what it is and if you want to change something, too fucking bad.” Our lives are determined, there’s nothing we can do, we have no control over our present or future.
It was all I could do to keep pushing my shopping cart down the aisle. This all happened yesterday afternoon and I’m still a little messed up about it.
On Monday I was stung by an unseen insect. Three days later, my leg has swollen up all hard and red and tight with big angry blisters popping out all over the place. My flesh is a churning mess. Isn’t this what happened to the guy from Slayer? I have a hacksaw and I’ve decided it would be best to amputate my leg just below the knee. But first I want to get in one last roller-skating practice.
White Label (DHN-001) Terry Lee Brown Jr. - Lost And Found (Steve Bug remix) Johnny Fiasco - Take 5 Joe Smooth - Alternative3 Daniel Wang - 24 To Vector Z (Morgan Geist Commuter Mix) Tom Churchill - Under The Spell (Sunday Mix) Daniel Wang - To Hold You Again Unreleased Project - Smooth Like This The Other People Place - It’s Your Love Theorem - Nebulus Soha - Foulchette (Next Evidence Re-edit) Larry Heard - Sunset Monday Michiru - Sunday After The Rain (Masters At Work remix)
I pulled over in Sackville to get some gas. Now I’m sitting in a Wendy’s, watching the sun go down over a Mcdonald’s. I’m falling asleep. It’s nice in this restaurant. I think I’ll stay.
I overhear some guy at the Wendy’s counter giving his mom a hard time. I turn around and look and it turns out his mom is a Wendy’s employee. Apparently she was supposed to finish her shift at seven o’clock.
I really need to get back on the highway. This weekend’s time change gave me an extra hour of daylight today. I did a good job of wasting it.
Some people think we should get rid of daylight savings time altogether. Why don’t we get rid of standard time instead? I don’t care if it’s darker longer in the mornings. I don’t care about mornings at all.
If it were up to me, we would spring forward, fall forward. Add an hour in the spring and again in the fall. That is how you get to the future.